the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
