you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
