Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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