Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
