i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
