I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
