After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
