the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I deserve this hangover.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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