i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
