I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
