hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize