How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
