happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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