I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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