Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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