About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
