I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
