dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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