we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
