That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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