I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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