my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize