Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
