how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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