do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
