You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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