dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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