btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
