Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
