This is not my ceiling
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
