I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
