I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
