people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
