I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
