Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
