when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
