his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
