You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
