After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
