im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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