she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize