im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
