She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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