I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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