If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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