I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Randomize
