You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
