hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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