thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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