Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
