I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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