Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
