those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
