i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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