Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
