Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
