Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
