FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The uberlube is also flammable
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
