I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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